September 10th, 2015

September 10^th, 2015: Posted up in Red+Green+Gold with Roy Johnson, Wilson, and D. Smith. Wilson left at 1PM, but we still have more guards up here than we need. D. Smith, catching onto this, decided to float around. Antinelli was to relieve her at 11AM, but she was nowhere near Red+Green+Gold at the time. After some of her world class sass and her “aw hell naw!” rant of ignorance they agreed to let her have self relief at 12PM. Antinelli still stuck around for an hour.

I went on break at 12PM too. So did Thompson, Rooks, Wilkins, and Boles. Thompson, who is training Wilkins, must have pulled some more strings again. They’re posted on Center Street Door (suppose to be the 1PM break). The schedules have been really flexible for some guards. Wilson just comes in for four hours on Thursdays. I don’t know what the point of that is.

Speaking of shit that doesn’t make sense (which I’ll admit is a lot of things documented in these entries) Miss. Guy had a meeting this morning about the young guy who use to sit in the café all of the time. Yeah he use to smell like guacamole and charge several (possibly stolen) cell phones at the same table, but he’s been doing that since March and NOW someone says something? After he was caught talking to himself and was escorted out of the building?

We tried to ask Miss. Guy what the reason for the man being banned was. A simple question that got an unnecessary warranted “that’s classified” answer. Luckily Jackson told me it’s because he was talking to himself. I guess it was only a matter of time before he got put on the museum blacklist. He was the guy, I told you about, who would walk around swinging a cane he wasn’t actually using. Also with most transients they follow them around just waiting for a reason to kick them out on the street. It’s a fucking art museum, kicking out “undesirables” is the only excitement they get here.

During the meeting after we asked Miss. Guy why the guy was banned she starred into space if having a conversation with her many voices trying to come up with a fake answer. We are the Security department, it would be nice to know unless of course it’s something bad like “he was a serial rapist” in which case it would make Kunkle look bad for not banning him sooner.

Everyone looked around like “why won’t you tell us?” So I spoke up and said “the real reason is he smelled like guacamole and made the artsy fartsies uncomfortable, the fake reason is he stole something”. I really try to help bridge that gap of confusion and bullshit whenever possible. It works for the most part and gets a laugh. Then Toney came down for something, basically to tell us about the homeless guy, but she had beaten him to it. Then he asked her, mistakenly, if there was anything else. She spread Mr. Boles’ Charles Street Door papers around the table as if trying to look organized.

For the most part there haven’t been many people here today, it’s been raining pretty hard out too. 

Character Profile: Mr. Ass

Throughout my time at The Walters Art Museum I discretely posted on my findings and observations using this blog. One of the biggest points was to rename the “main cast” of offenders. Now that I no longer work there I don’t really give a shit if their feelings are hurt by me ousting them to the public at this point. After all this was the whole point of this to begin with.

Mr. Ass, whose codename wasn’t my idea but I agreed with, is of course Alan Voss; dayshift supervisor of Security at The Walters Art Museum. As you can read from my journal entries I don’t think too fondly of the people “in charge” of Security. In all fairness Al Voss was the low man on the totem pole of this justified anger, though he wasn’t innocent.

Nepotism is a big part of his character. Of course he was the one who got me the job, through my father, to begin with. However Chris Kunkle got him the job of dayshift supervisor through a connection with his son, who at the time was a supervisor at The Baltimore Museum of Art. Don’t worry everybody the BMA is safe since they have long since fired Chris Kunkle Jr. Apparently he doesn’t have the same bull shit shield that his father does.

After he was hired as nighshift supervisor he convinced Chris Kunkle to make him dayshift supervisor and placed Troy Rosebud on nighshift. Troy Rosebud is an infinitely more competent and personable human being than Al Voss will ever be. Which shows that Chris Kunkle will practice favoritism over operational quality every time.

The reason for Al Voss “leaving” the BMA had to do with getting involved, romantically, with a co-worker who he would later marry and divorce. This not only cost him the job at the BMA but also put him into a sort of funk. I refuse to make that an excuse for him to be the epic asshole that he was during my time at The Walters. At one point he would act like a blue collar buddy, but in reality he was no more than Chris Kunkle’s bitch, trying to use the faux friendship he had with my father as a nonexistent bridge.

Mr. Ass is one of the most insufferable human beings I had ever met and a very poor example of what a supervisor should be. In all fairness it’s not like The Walters Art Museum is a tight ship anyhow. 

September 5th 2015

September 5, 2015: Today I’m posted on the Sculpture Court. I’m just not feeling it today you know? So I’ve been spending most of my time dicking around in the Docent’s kitchen. I wanted to see how good that garbage disposal thing is. Grinds up plastic utensils pretty good, but makes a weird grinding sound when I put metal in there.

I also dumped some old coffee and some cascade down there too. That should fix it. They have one of those green sponge, flower, brick things. Stabbed it a bunch of times with a cake knife then dumped a pitcher of water on it. Between that and tossing marbles into the glasses it was a pretty active day. Everything else was boring though.

In the break room I was playing Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, with Thompson and Bazemore sitting quietly, when Miss. Guy came lumbering in with her typical moaning and grunting. Then she started trying to make conversation with Bazemore. She wanted to know what I was doing and I snapped at her saying “What are you that black chick that talks through the movie!?” Thompson and Bazemore started laughing, Miss. Guy of course got offended saying “Well geez. Don’t talk to me if you’re gonna talk to me like that.” I didn’t want her to talk to me anyway. I got no food or money to give her. The conversation would have led to begging for one of those two things. I really didn’t care if I hurt HER feelings and I let her know it. Besides it’s Metal Gear Solid. You DON’T talk during a Metal Gear Solid cinematic. She said a little later “I am NOT a ‘black chick’.” She even contradicts her own ethnicity. 

Although in all fairness Lois Mayo (Miss Guy) is actually half ginger. So I guess that would make her a chocolate orange if I had to be completely politically correct. By the way that part at the beginning when I said "I just wasn't feeling it" pretty much describes every day I spent working at The Walters Art Museum. 

September 3rd 2015

September 3^rd 2015: Miss.Guy lost it a little bit during our impeccably useless meeting today. She got Stewart and Wilson mixed up with the 2^nd Floor after she had already posted Rooks and Thompson there. She then mentioned an event happening tonight. Something about taxidermy and “1,000 people” attending. 1,000 people? I guess if her split personalities count…

She is currently “training” the Relief Guards so every floor is fully loaded with guards. Even D. Smith (who is now Special Events) is here. Now that the Special Exhibition is closed we have two extra people, but this is four extra people on top of that! Everyone’s relieving each other, including me who is technically a Relief Guard today. Me, then Monti, then Wilkins. Which is cool because I get to sit down and have a proper surface to write on.

Speaking of writing Miss. Guy tried to give me some busy work. I am to get a piece of paper and check the books in the South Gallery (where I’m posted today). Only the published books originally until I told her three times that the info manuals were a bigger problem. Once she finally got the hell away from me I got to work checking every page. Yeah. That’s right. It’s Thursday. If she wants to give me stupid shit like that to do then her wish is my command. I’m also going to talk in a Victorian British accent until I’m done.

Miss. Guy said there would be a lot of staff from Conservation on the Court this morning. There wasn’t… There’s hardly anyone here now. The paper here at Charles Street says 65 people will be here tonight, how is that 1,000?

So Von Kunkle’s up on the Sculpture Court walking around for some reason. He hasn’t done this for a while. He barely leaves his office since the move, not that that’s a bad thing. He and Miss. Guy were down in the café interviewing the next victim. I mean new hire. There was also a crap load of kids too. Even if they were to give her correct she wouldn’t have heard it anyway.

So it seems like the carnival has come to town. What a freak parade this event is. I mean I know artists are snobby weirdo fucks, in a different dimension than the rest of us, but this not only solidifies that belief but adds a whole new layer of discomfort. Dead animals in little outfits.. This is art?

Turns out there IS a shit load of people here, what a sick world we live in. The only 65 people thing pertained to the Chamber of Wonders gallery. Where Joanetthe insisted on having her speech there. No, not the Auditorium where it would make sense and fit everyone. The artsies that really wanted to see it look at me with dirty looks as they go by. I smile right back and love it! This is the only legit way, in my profession, to give off my “go fuck yourself” mentality. Luckily the majority are friendly.

Originally the plan was going to be no more than 65, that turned into 82. Then Harris (Predator) allowed a handful of people to stand in the Hall of Arms and Armor. Then that venue filled up quick. Also that bitch Mona Roxx keeps coming in and out of the gallery. It’s been a long day so far, I make sure she gets a good whiff of my armpits whenever her midget ass she insists on going by. So the lecture is suppose to be over at 7:15PM. Well it’s Joanetthe so MAYBE 7:30. A lot of people keep saying that they can’t hear anything. Haha, yeah should have been in the Auditorium. Also Mona’s running her mouth about guests “going up and down the stairs with drinks”. Too fucking bad, I'm guarding the store, not the stairs. 

August 29th 2015

August 29^th 2015: A used condom was found in the Lower Level by the boilers. Nobody knows whose it is, but Miss. Guys used this opportunity to pass out pairs of rubber gloves to everyone. She’s also going around telling different people where it was found. She told Wilkens (most likely) to tell me that it was found in Ancient World (where I’m posted) “somewhere in the back”. During my break, while I was up on three working on “The Project” Stanbeck told me it was found “in the back by the stain-glass windows”.

So I went up to four and Thompson heard it was “in the Great Room/Knight’s Hall in the back”. Thelma was the one who told where it was really found. I know what you’re probably thinking “Miss. Guy is just using this opportunity to make everyone aware of how to dispose of this situation”, if you ARE thinking that then that’s real cute on your part. The only thing Miss. Guy is good for is spreading rumors and causing trouble. She might even be the one the condom was used on. Yeah there you go, that’s what you get for ASSuming Miss. Guy knows what she’s doing.

Two more horrible possibilities are Holmes+Harris and Mark+that-Hugh-Grant-looking dude whose his assistant. Both of these possibilities are sickening. Yeah that’s right gay anal sex sickens me and the idea of Holmes stooping that low is sad.

I don’t know why Antinelli is still here past 4PM but he’s funny during closing time. Twice he came up into Ancient World to ask if there were any people still in my gallery. I could hear him calling out “we’re closing in five minutes!” like MacLemore use to do. He even got on the radio and let everyone know there was a woman, at Charles Street Door, waiting for her husband. Ok?

Yesterday I volunteered to work Tuesday 10AM to 12:30PM. This morning Voss offered me relief duty on Wednesday instead so I volunteered. A little later in the day he tells me Hanger cancelled his vacation and offered me Tuesday. Not a big deal, I laughed it off, I’m just glad he made up his mind before I made any plans.

At closing time I saw Miss. Guy with some dude who looks a lot like her ex (but isn’t). Barely older than I am and has dreads. I suppose it could be them who left the condom since they were making their way upstairs (deeper into the building) instead of out of the building. Her new office is over in Hackerman House. Only way to get there is by heading up to the 3^rd Floor. She’s going to get snitched on, she’s never that careful.

Lois Anita Mayo also went by Lois Guy or "Miss Guy" before her divorce was finalized. At this time I'm not sure what the background behind that story, but I WILL find out one of these days.  

The Real Point

A couple years ago, when I started a work journal, I was doing it for various reasons. Mainly to gather research on just how badly run the Security department at an art museum is. I did it to cover my ass, just in case my bosses fucked up so bad I could use the gathered information to exploit their short comings. Which is actually what I’m going to continue to do now that I have moved on to a much better job. I was also gathering dirt for a well deserved legal dispute against them. Really a very good reason being that I stopped giving a fuck and just got paid to write on their dime.

However I have since moved on from The Walters Art Museum. Oh right… Yeah! That’s where all of this has gone down. The Walters Art Museum in Baltimore Maryland. The main culprits of this depressingly sad true story being Lois Anita Mayo (Mismanagement) and Chris Kunkle (Knucklehead). When I get a chance I’ll make sure to write a blog post that introduces you to all of the other characters in this macrame play.

I might be gone, but none of the crimes they have committed will be forgotten. If anything I’m a bigger threat outside of the museum. From this point on I won't be redacted anyone's names. At least not the horrible people. Those of you who were actually decent to me during my time at The Walters Art Museum you can remain anonymous. 

August 28th 2015

I am posted in 2^nd Floor today. Just got back from a four day vacation. Would rather work an eight-hour Friday than a 12-hour Thursday any time. The only problem is the people that run public transportation eat stupid pills on Friday. Well… more than usual. Even the train is a crap shoot. I have already decided that I am calling Uber at the end of the day.

Here in the 2^nd Floor they have a new infoboard set up to make people aware of the armed conflicts going on in the Middle East. They mention how devastating this is to the ancient pieces THEN as a foot note they mention the loss of human life. You can see how artsy fartsy fucks set their priorities. “It’s such a shame that these great pieces are being destroyed… oh yes and the loss of life is terrible too” is basically what they’re saying.

During my 20-minute break I was in the locker room, playing Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker and charging my iPod, when I overheard (redacted) talking to J.C. and Knucklehead's Mole about how they are still ganging up on him. He never takes me seriously so it’s not like we actually talk about this stuff. He always invites me over, but I don’t know if I can trust him. I have nothing against him. I honestly think he’s a good guy but he’s not right for this museum. The people here eat that up alive. Like I said before he’s kind of unreliable. He can’t ever get weed, he’s always late; coming back from breaks and sometimes getting to work. If I was in charge I really would not hire him.

I guess what I am saying is that he annoys me and I think he gets that. I will admit I do not really put myself out there when it comes to hanging out with people from work, that goes double for these people because I do not know whose in bed with who. I do have a few of them as friends on Facebook, and there I say and post whatever the hell I want. First Amendment bitches! You try to tell me otherwise and I’ll look forward to counting your money.

I would gladly help (redacted) out more if he did not insist on giggling after every piece of advice I gave him. THAT is what annoys me about him; his laugh-at-everything defense. Plus his problem is that he talks to everybody, that’s great anywhere else but it’s a bad idea here. Knucklehead doesn’t know the difference between personal life and professional. Also at the end of the day I got on the Passenger Elevator way ahead of Predator (who had the equipment basket). I got off and then hit all of the buttons knowing this was the only convenient elevator that leads to the Monitor Room. That is how you asshole.