January 24th 2015

January 24^th 2015: Today I am up on the Gold Gallery with Roy Johnson and the new guy. For the last week they have had him posted on the Landing and Manuscripts area while being trained. Today there are three of us, including myself, posted up here so I am going to stay off in the corner as much as possible. They are both cool guys so the conversations are making the day fly right by, and plus I get to play training officer.

I found out Thursday that (redacted) was ranting down in the break room about “somebody” and he got written up. The one who wrote him up was Clump. She CAN be a bitch but his side of the story seems pretty modest. She does not write anyone up unless you REALLY piss her off. He’s a great guy but he has the tendency to shoot his mouth off. Which is most-likely what happened. They kicked him out of the Monitor Room position and made him a Relief Officer. I do not trust Clump, but A.J. must have really set her off more than he admits.

In other news Mismanagement is sleeping at the museum while she looks for a new apartment. I am guessing she tried to pull her credit scam on her landlord too. You know the last person to pull that kind of thing with? The mystery is where does that money go? She gets paid a lot yet is always bumming for money and credit. Drugs, gambling problem, gigolos? Before she killed (redacted) she would always get money from her. It’s all really sad.

Since it’s the Winter time a lot of homeless people come into the museum. I am glad I am not posted on the doors because I do not know how I could turn them away. You have to be an asshole here, Knucklehead insists on it, but it is a moral grey area. Some of them homeless people in the neighborhood are like that for a reason. A lot of them ARE crazy and dangerous. (Redacted) takes it to another level; following them around like a P.I. in an old noir detective movie. He has a good reason but takes it to an extreme.

While I was off taking a 10-100 I heard “N.O.R.A.” come in over the radio. “N.O.R.A.” means “Need Officer Right Away” you know like a “mayday”. It got the Monitor Room into a tizzy. Turns out it was just someone dicking around. That is seriously not cool. 

Dealing With The Public

Let me just come right out and say that people can be assholes. I do not just mean their attitudes, I mean the fact that they are so in a daze that they don’t know what the hell they are doing. Stubbornness and snobbery are two of the main things you will deal with working with the public.

When it comes to communication, and enforcing the rules and policies, greeting everyone with a smile is the best course of action. Even if they don’t acknowledge your existence right away, and they don’t. To them you are the help, but you do not have to drop yourself into that role. There are Supervisors that work here who believe they are Alphas when they are really Omegas, or Betas, in that situation. They treat guests like they are cattle and you do not want to take it THAT far either.

You don’t want to drop yourself to that level where you set your mind at a point when your fellow human beings are only numbers. I have been there and it’s a slump not easy to escape in this profession. You need to treat EVERYONE with courtesy and respect. Regardless of how fucking retarded they will react. 

January 10th 2015

January 10^th 2015: Two events going on tonight. They have yet again double booked and I doubt we will have the manpower to cover it. Luckily the one event is over at 8. The schedule is all fucked up. It says I am working until midnight. The hell I am! If they expect me to work a full twelve hours Thursday then I’m leaving at 10:15. They are the ones insisting on the un-proven 25-hour limit law. Next week’s schedule is messed up too. There is a wedding next Sunday. They got me down for 9AM to midnight then too. I only agreed to work 4 to midnight, the actual wedding. I hate to say it, but I kinda miss Mr. Ass. At least he was on the ball with the scheduling. [He actually wasn't I don't know what the hell I was taking when I wrote this.]

I have always noticed that when you volunteer to work a special event they put you down for an hour before the museum closes to the public. We are like pawns in this messed up chess game. A lot of people would just say “yo dawg it’s an extra hour”, yes it is but their intention is to have us take over for the relief guards that go home at 4. That is what it really means. To make matters worse I was suppose to be posted at H.H. (Redacted) said he was on 4^th Floor to relieve (Miss. Redacted). Screw it, I’m getting plenty of writing done either way.

Plot twist! I am posted on the Loading Dock for the wedding and it’s all gravy. The caterers are familiar so I’m in the clear until 10:15!

January 8th 2015

January 8, 2015: Today Mismanagament talked about not signing out in our time sheets. It was an incredibly demented speech she made. She is very adamant about us not signing out on our time sheets until we are leaving the building. First of all it’s not that big of a deal and second it’s one less thing we need to deal with at the end of the day. The less we have to converse with Predator the better.

Loonetoons looks sick today, of course she always does on days like this, but this seems genuine. Typically a guard fakes being sick so they can go home sooner. I never understood why though. You just have to come back and make up the time the next day. Some guards do the “ugh I’m sick” thing on an almost constant basis. I remember Brownnose did it this one time. Oscar worthy performance. As soon as she got out the door she was happy as a lark. Almost skipping down the street. Some even go to extremes if they REALLY don’t want to work that day. Bear (presumably) fake threw-up over the radio to get out of working a wedding.

Do not take this as bragging but there have been a few times I thought about calling out sick, but pushed through. Not because I am loyal, but because I do not get sick days. So I cannot afford it like the full time guards can. If any of them want to call out sick they just do. If any of the full-time guards wanted to call out they can still get salary. I don’t get that, if I’m not here I don’t get paid. Much like a lot of 20 somethings in the Obamanation of America. 

January 3rd 1015

January 3^rd 2015: It’s winter time but it’s not so cold that you need an exploration team to go outside. There’s no snow on the ground, yet I can see people transitioning down at Center Street Door. Changing out of shoes into snow boots, and putting on an outer layer of weather proof clothing. They look like their prepping to climb Mt. Everest. This should not surprise me since the people that come to this museum are weird already, but damn that is a new psychological aspect.

I’m posted up on the 4^th Floor and it’s been really busy today. You have to keep a count since this is a special exhibition. So far, as of 4:30PM, I have 378. 378 people have come through this gallery. I actually like that since it makes the day go faster. Though it would be nice if Fred put in some of those “Please Don’t Touch The Art” stencils on the walls. That’s the one thing they forgot to add into the gallery, and it’s the most important.

I mean I’m quite alright with yelling and telling people not to touch the art… actually I’m not. Everyone, except for children, don’t touch anything; BUT four people have rubbed their hands on the “High Sideboard with Hunting Trophies” by Frances W. Hausner. It’s made of fucking wood and a piece of marble. Go home and rub your counter top! It’s the same god damn thing!

Tonight I’m working until 10:15 PM. The producers of Downtown Abbey are having a preview of the Season 5 premier. I hear it’s a good show, I haven’t watched it much. They’re charging everyone $100 a ticket. Damn! My friend and I are looking for a venue to host our movies (once we make them of course). I told her we should try here. I’ll ask (redacted) tonight how much that would cost. 

Holy shit! $7,500 if you’re a non-profit and $1,500 if you are a notified company. I can also go for the employee discount and the Auditorium can seat 400 people. We just need to make some stuff that would be worth $15 a ticket.... Well that's easy, allow me to stroke my own dick and just say that I got some good stuff planned. 

Getting Your Mind Set

Passing the time is a huge part of just about any job, but it means your very mental survival in Security. You would be surprised (or probably not) how fast time flies if you are not thinking about it.

One of the main complaints I hear from my fellow officers is “man this day is taking forever” or “I can hear every grain of sand dropping.” It all depends on the individual, we all get bored, but we really do not have to be in this profession.

You know how prisoners pass the time? They do not think about what they will do when they get out. You cannot bring any outside thoughts to the art gallery. It will only drive you insane because it will eat away at you plus make the day go A LOT slower.

Just pretend like you don’t exist. I know it sounds crazy and stupid, but really do you WANT to deal with assholes and make time last forever here? Just make sure to bring yourself back to humanity once you leave for the day. 

December 27th 2014

December 27^th 2014: Yesterday, today, and God willing tomorrow I am posted at H.H.! Merry Christmas me! This time instead of focusing on handheld video games I’m focusing on writing. Like usual everyone else’s brains are turned off or running on overdrive. Unless you are writing down your thoughts, brain power is wasted here. Nothing ever has to be over thought at the museum. The best thing to do is have your brain run on auto-pilot. Unless you work in the Monitor Room, i.e. RUN the operations of other guards. In which case please have your brain run on overdrive. Not only does it keep things running smooth, but if they flub up it’s entertaining. We had to go on rounds today, since I’m posted at H.H. I decided to pick that. I mean what would be the point of covering the same place twice? I’ll be doing rounds when I unlock it anyway. Monti and Thompson always go to H.H., typically I go to the house because of the coffee maker.

The Marketing Department has launched a new mobile website for the museum. You know doing something that every other place does but except a few years late? In typical fashion, it doesn’t work but they want us to hand out cards (as if we work for Visitor Services) that “connect” guests to the website. Mismanagement is in charge of handing out the cards (and even made up a memory of “handing me cards already”. I was at H.H., she never walks two feet out of her office (unless there’s food), she definitely never comes to H.H. unless “boss man” Knucklehead calls her. Next up is the whole customer service thing. Even if the guests gives enough of a shit to ask about the website there are three issues. 1) The wifi and 3G are horrible within the galleries. 2) Most of the guests that come here do not have smart phones. 3)The cards we are suppose to pass out have vague instructions. That last thing really is not so bad since it goes along great with our customer service regime. Say-what-we-need-to-say-to-get-them-out-of-our-hair-then-walk-away technique. Not what Visitor Services would do, but it’s not Security’s job. Using that technique might seem harsh but consider the quality of person that comes into the museum, and what we have to deal with. Also today I learned that Jone has a website entirely devoted to the Chamber of Wonders. Not only is it well organized, but it cost nothing to make.

Today Mismanagement is doing evaluations. Yeah I know, she’s been “working” on them for like the last month and a half. Today it sounds like they are ready. When I get called to her office I’m going to take my time getting there and coming back! The evaluation went the same as last year. I got about 75% again. We might be getting raises this year but I doubt it. It all depends on if "it's in the budget".