January 3rd 1015

January 3^rd 2015: It’s winter time but it’s not so cold that you need an exploration team to go outside. There’s no snow on the ground, yet I can see people transitioning down at Center Street Door. Changing out of shoes into snow boots, and putting on an outer layer of weather proof clothing. They look like their prepping to climb Mt. Everest. This should not surprise me since the people that come to this museum are weird already, but damn that is a new psychological aspect.

I’m posted up on the 4^th Floor and it’s been really busy today. You have to keep a count since this is a special exhibition. So far, as of 4:30PM, I have 378. 378 people have come through this gallery. I actually like that since it makes the day go faster. Though it would be nice if Fred put in some of those “Please Don’t Touch The Art” stencils on the walls. That’s the one thing they forgot to add into the gallery, and it’s the most important.

I mean I’m quite alright with yelling and telling people not to touch the art… actually I’m not. Everyone, except for children, don’t touch anything; BUT four people have rubbed their hands on the “High Sideboard with Hunting Trophies” by Frances W. Hausner. It’s made of fucking wood and a piece of marble. Go home and rub your counter top! It’s the same god damn thing!

Tonight I’m working until 10:15 PM. The producers of Downtown Abbey are having a preview of the Season 5 premier. I hear it’s a good show, I haven’t watched it much. They’re charging everyone $100 a ticket. Damn! My friend and I are looking for a venue to host our movies (once we make them of course). I told her we should try here. I’ll ask (redacted) tonight how much that would cost. 

Holy shit! $7,500 if you’re a non-profit and $1,500 if you are a notified company. I can also go for the employee discount and the Auditorium can seat 400 people. We just need to make some stuff that would be worth $15 a ticket.... Well that's easy, allow me to stroke my own dick and just say that I got some good stuff planned. 

Getting Your Mind Set

Passing the time is a huge part of just about any job, but it means your very mental survival in Security. You would be surprised (or probably not) how fast time flies if you are not thinking about it.

One of the main complaints I hear from my fellow officers is “man this day is taking forever” or “I can hear every grain of sand dropping.” It all depends on the individual, we all get bored, but we really do not have to be in this profession.

You know how prisoners pass the time? They do not think about what they will do when they get out. You cannot bring any outside thoughts to the art gallery. It will only drive you insane because it will eat away at you plus make the day go A LOT slower.

Just pretend like you don’t exist. I know it sounds crazy and stupid, but really do you WANT to deal with assholes and make time last forever here? Just make sure to bring yourself back to humanity once you leave for the day. 

December 27th 2014

December 27^th 2014: Yesterday, today, and God willing tomorrow I am posted at H.H.! Merry Christmas me! This time instead of focusing on handheld video games I’m focusing on writing. Like usual everyone else’s brains are turned off or running on overdrive. Unless you are writing down your thoughts, brain power is wasted here. Nothing ever has to be over thought at the museum. The best thing to do is have your brain run on auto-pilot. Unless you work in the Monitor Room, i.e. RUN the operations of other guards. In which case please have your brain run on overdrive. Not only does it keep things running smooth, but if they flub up it’s entertaining. We had to go on rounds today, since I’m posted at H.H. I decided to pick that. I mean what would be the point of covering the same place twice? I’ll be doing rounds when I unlock it anyway. Monti and Thompson always go to H.H., typically I go to the house because of the coffee maker.

The Marketing Department has launched a new mobile website for the museum. You know doing something that every other place does but except a few years late? In typical fashion, it doesn’t work but they want us to hand out cards (as if we work for Visitor Services) that “connect” guests to the website. Mismanagement is in charge of handing out the cards (and even made up a memory of “handing me cards already”. I was at H.H., she never walks two feet out of her office (unless there’s food), she definitely never comes to H.H. unless “boss man” Knucklehead calls her. Next up is the whole customer service thing. Even if the guests gives enough of a shit to ask about the website there are three issues. 1) The wifi and 3G are horrible within the galleries. 2) Most of the guests that come here do not have smart phones. 3)The cards we are suppose to pass out have vague instructions. That last thing really is not so bad since it goes along great with our customer service regime. Say-what-we-need-to-say-to-get-them-out-of-our-hair-then-walk-away technique. Not what Visitor Services would do, but it’s not Security’s job. Using that technique might seem harsh but consider the quality of person that comes into the museum, and what we have to deal with. Also today I learned that Jone has a website entirely devoted to the Chamber of Wonders. Not only is it well organized, but it cost nothing to make.

Today Mismanagement is doing evaluations. Yeah I know, she’s been “working” on them for like the last month and a half. Today it sounds like they are ready. When I get called to her office I’m going to take my time getting there and coming back! The evaluation went the same as last year. I got about 75% again. We might be getting raises this year but I doubt it. It all depends on if "it's in the budget".