Busy Work

Sometimes your boss will ask you to do seemingly stupid tasks. Where I work it's a given. The trick however is to not complain, but to do whatever they ask. No matter how tedious or mundane it might be.

This advice might be a pain in the ass if you do something important for a living. If you work Security at an art museum then just do it, there’s nothing else to preoccupy your time for eight to twelve hours.

Things that MUST be done:

Check the gallery for any irregularities.

Check the art for vandalism.

Do paperwork for the above and for any Inventory.

Guard the art.

Walk around bored out of your mind.

Busy work, not in your job description, provided by your boss’ split personalities/voices in their head:

Use medical glove to pick up dead bug.

Pick a piece of art and write a mini book report about it.

Go on tours of locations that neither of you have authorization for.

Do duties she use to be in charge of, but wouldn’t do, such as: Delivering paperwork, shredding paperwork, and making copies of more paperwork… that will ultimately be not done and then shredded.

Being taken off post to discuss gossip and relationship issues.

Fuck it, if they get caught or snitched on (and she did) that’s not work problem. Get off the floor for a bit!

Then there’s the really messed up stuff you observe:

Asking friend in another department to make a false accusation about a guard joking about suicide.

Borrow credit from the person who runs the museum café.

Impede the Maintenance department by parking in the loading zone.

Stealing from a dead co-worker's family.

The key to success in the second and third set of items is to not bother saying anything. Especially if your boss is good friends with the head of Human Resources. In which case you are better off with a pen and paper. A lawyer’s helpful too. 

March 16th 2015

March 16^th 2015: All of the staff are moving out of H.H. and Mismanagement is going with them. Her office is going to be the new Education office. I am here on a Monday to do reliefs for the officers that have to cover the move. I thought it was going to be a school tour(s) or lecture. Nope the Docents are celebrating! Education are painting banners and stuff in the Auditorium. I wonder what our department will have planned when she’s gone.

First I had to relieve Looney Toons up on the fifth floor. While I was up there I was able to take some pictures and video of what it looks like. Also while I was up here I asked the Assistant Director if it was ok to send her a confidential e-mail about the HR situation. She nodded and with assurance said “sure”.

Yesterday I came downtown for the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. While downtown I came into the museum, once again as a guest. I will continue to do so. The funniest thing is I went right up to the 4^th Floor and (redacted) was leading a school tour. Knucklehead will see that on the camera later and probably try to come up with another bullshit reason to get me in HR. I am not afraid of them and I know my rights. They have a box full of files here… none of them are personnel files but some of them look like old financial documents. 

At 12:57 I relieved Sticks at the new building. Knucklehead and The Equalizer were over there supervising the movers. I walked past Mismanagement on the way in and we did not say anything. Thank God! If I have to hear my name with that monotone voice I will die a little more inside. Knucklehead has not done his pre-programmed “Hey” either. With all that has happened I do not want to even look at him. Everytime I do he acts like a scolded puppy. At least The Equalizer's still friendly to me. 

The Director of the museum stopped by on her way to her vacation. She wanted to see the progress of everything. Knucklehead was so busy looking over at me to see if I was doing something he could fire me over that he didn't even acknowledge her when she asked him how he was doing. He always tells everyone in Security that we should be more personable to the higher class staff, and here he is on a whole other planet. Yes you bet I said hello to the Director when she walked by, I even wished her well on her trip. 

It's not THAT hard to be friendly. 

March 12th 2015

March 12^th, 2015: So today a transient man came into the building. No hold on, I’m not done yet. He came into the Staff Lounge while I was on break! I didn’t even hear the door open! I was hearing someone coming down the steps very quietly. I look up and there’s this old black dude, carrying a cane, wearing a panty hose type thing on his head. He was obviously high because he was acting like an extra from The Walking Dead. I was not really in shock so much that I didn’t say “uhh this is staff only man.” He replied “Oh sorry, sorry” then wandered off leaving a poop smell behind him.

“How the hell did he get this far into the building!?” You might be asking? (Redacted) was off doing another errand for Mismanagment and (redacted) was posted on the New Entrance. You put two-and-two together. You know after the other entry you might be thinking that I complain too much about homeless people. Look I have nothing against them, but the ones in this neighborhood are insane. I don’t give them money because they are definitely drug addicts, I buy them a cup of coffee or something to eat.

There’s an old saying about giving someone an inch and they will take a mile. This one black guy I bought coffee AND a sandwich for. Only cost $6; next time I saw him he wanted me to buy his groceries! Fuck that! Another example, this time it’s a white guy just in case you’re one of those overly P.C. type people that think I’m being racist. Bought him a cup of coffee when he was down by the Royal Farms (up my way). He seemed pretty normal. Next time I saw him as I was leaving work. I know he saw me, cause I could see him seeing me in the corner of my eye (it’s complicated). I keep walking and he starts shouting and “choking”, more than likely to get my attention so I could buy him something. Yeah… like I’m going to buy you a cup of coffee. The guy needed a cup of holy water the way he was acting.

Speaking of demons; Mismanagement “delivered” my bogus HR papers. In the document they listed that this was my second meeting. There was never a first.  They really expect me to sign this fabrication? The Equalizer said I do not have to sign it and my lawyer said the same thing. I can play stupid better than she can. “Oh papers? No Mismanagement never gave me any papers.” I made a couple copies and gave the originals to my attorney. I was posted on R+G+G (fucking again) when she signaled me to come downstairs. Acting like defamation of character is some game of fetch. 

Today I got some sad news, Bear gave his two-weeks-notice. He will be leaving April 3^rd. Going back to Philly (his home town) to get a real job with better pay. I wish him all the best, for the best. It’s certainly going to seem a lot slower here now.  

March 7th 2015

March 7^th, 2015: I am up on R+G+G again (surprise, surprise) except this time R.J. is up here with me. He made the first hour go by pretty quick. Mismanagement took us on a tour of the new office buildings that staff will be moving into. Her office will be right next to Knucklehead's. The best part is that they will all be in the same building, and the hell away from us!

I bet everyone’s going to love having them there in one area. That is if the A.D. and The Equalizer do not lay down the hammer on them after B.J. “retires”. I know it’s coming. I am thinking of writing a whistleblower e-mail to the A.D.. I will send it to her on a Sunday. Appropriate considering the “incident” occurred on a Sunday.

I guess we can add a new crazy homeless guy to the list. I think I use to go to school with him, he looks familiar. The first time I saw him it was a month ago in the café. He had five cellphones on the table and smelled like bad guacamole. He was profusely sweating despite it being the dead of winter. Now he’s cleaned up a bit but walks around twirling a cane. Like a lot of reprobates do these days that pretend like it’s the early 1900s, while at the same time use modern attitudes and technology. Well we noticed him alright, mission-fucking-accomplished!

More specifically (redacted) noticed him swinging it around while he was relieving R.J. for his break. He went downstairs to tell the Monitor Room (as if that’s going to do anything). Allow me to make another dig at post-“great recession” behavior. I see these guys walk around with canes, but not actually using them. I am assuming it’s so they can comp disability? At least do a little bit of acting like Hugh Laurie on House. It’s just fucking ignorant and lazy otherwise. Afterall it IS (east coast city) so the assholes that regulate who gets disability are also lazy and ignorant so they technically do not look into this stuff. Still dude… no one takes any effort or pride in screwing over the system. As an added note I popped the last of my Oxycodone today. Can we please have a moment of silence? 

How To Deal With Guests Talking AT You

Working Security at an art museum can often make you feel like “the help”. Not just because of the staff, who still believe there is a middle class left in this country, but because of clueless guests. I have talked about dealing with the public before, and they are not ALL bad, but there is a variety that irk me.

Some of these hardcore artsy fartsy dicks have a tendency to talk AT you. Almost with a demanding tone, a verbal snap of the fingers. “You’re not human, serve me” it feels like they say when they just speak toward you as if you are suppose to immediately be aware (or give a shit) that they need assistance.

Rest assured because there is a definite way to handle the situation. I mean besides walking away or not hearing them entirely thanks to your blutooth headset (link to Survival Tools). No this method puts their ass right in place and does not even require a single “fuck”. All you have to do is say “Hello! Good (whatever time of day)! How can I help you!?”

Do not shout that, but speak loudly and with emphasis, and put your hand up as if motioning them to stop. Which you are; as in “shut the fuck up”. I guarantee it will shock them and might even make them forget what they were gonna say. Even better they might get so peved they will just walk away in a huff.

Not only will it wake them up but it might remind them to use their supposed class for their fellow humans instead of just for inanimate objects. Christ even the most ignorant guests say “hello” or “excuse me” first. Though they do have that “I hate your white skin” vibe when they do…

March 6th 2015

March 6^th 2014: I seem to be posted up on R+G+G AGAIN. I have been posted here for a while now. I admit though they have REALLY been screwing up lately. Ever since last week’s HR fiasco everyone’s been walking on eggshells. Even The Equalizer and The Assistant Director. I think even they realize how fucked up it is to call someone into HR over something that occurred on their day off. It’s like having a guest called into HR! I’m not going to stop fighting this. Of course I can add it to the long list of other crap they have done. The funniest part is I confronted Knucklehead in his office about it (last week). He told me “not to hire any shithouse lawyers!” That right there is an admittance of guilt.

Earlier today some hipster and his twin [adopted] boys came into the gallery. I told them not to run, not to climb over the balcony walls, and that they should stick together because children are suppose to be with their guardian at all times. As they are leaving the gallery he actively searches for me to say “we’re leaving now, so you don’t have to follow us anymore”, I reply “yeah ok” with my apathetic tone. Some people should not be parents. If you can’t control your brats then please don't come into my gallery. Simple as that. I will probably get a complaint from that guy. Of course I will not hear about it until two weeks from now. I will make sure to insist that it’s a complaint that occurred WHILE I WAS ON THE CLOCK.

Yesterday (Thursday) we had off. The only thing about Fridays (and it’s NOT a problem) is the lack of guests that show up. There must have been less than 100 people in here today. It snowed wicked harrrrd last night so the fact that these morons are even here speaks volumes.

I was right! Only 98 people came in through the doors. It was not a slow day, I spent most of it writing and planning my next move.