July 27th 2014

Sometimes I just have a peaceful and an actually productive day at work. The sad thing is the work I was doing had nothing to do with Security. How else do you think stuff gets written people!?

July 27^th, another Thursday and this time I am at H.H.! I didn’t get much sleep the night before; tried going to bed early and only got two hours of sleep. Then a few hours later got about another 90 minutes of sleep. H.H. is just the break I needed. Mismanagement came down to the break room but Bear saved us all from a repetitive meeting. The day before he had an 11AM break instead of the 12PM one they said he would have. Mismanagement schedules the breaks, or at least pretends like she does. With balls of steel Bear said “we have a 12 hour shift today let’s try not to screw it up ok?” His tone was light and non threatening, so it made us all laugh and Mismanagement did her head shake thing. Also Knucklehead is not here today because he is on vacation, so its like I’m on vacation too! This day is awesome!

Only down side is that they had to switch the evening breaks around. Typically I would go at 5PM, Old Entrance is 5:30, then New Entrance is 6:00. (redacted) got herself out of work the rest of the night so Dr. J. took over at Old Entrance. He comes in at 1PM and his hour break is at 4PM, so his half hour break had to be set later at 6PM. I am going at 5:30 and (redacted) is going at 5PM. I am ok with that but officer (redacted), under the impression I care, is stark raving pissed. He called me twice to vent. Good Lord I just want to write and play video games in peace. 

Sociology

In an earlier post (http://beingasecurityguard.blogspot.com/2015/01/communication.html) I talked about the amount of Communication that should be used in this field, but I did not really dwell upon the point of how to talk while on the job.

For example there is always a boss, there has to be. There is always someone to take orders from, everyone understands that, but when your department is responsible for the well being of others you need to know how to both; respond to moments of crisis and properly command your man-power.

The Supervision thing however is a post for another day, my point here is to say that when you work in an art museum you have to properly converse with other departments about any number of issues (typically ones that do not really affect what you are doing but more the esthetics). You do not need to be a social butterfly, it probably helps, but really you just need to handle the art of small talk.

Where I work everyone is in a hurry to do… something… somewhere. Not sure really, I know what I have to do but what other departments are up to baffles me sometimes. A simple smile and a “hey, how are you?” will suffice. Depending on the person they just say “oh I’m good how are you?” No one actually cares though, but it is better than awkward silence. For Pete's sake just try to get to know people!

Our Security department has kind of a black-eye because of our manager and the things she has done.

Then there is the evening shift supervisor who belittles everyone with his attitude. When I say “everyone” I mean those under his command AND guests. No one likes to be told what is going on so there are a lot of instances of “shooting the messenger” therefore a lot of other departments do not want to deal with us.

When you are the leader of a security department you need to know how to talk to people professionally and civilly. Not just throw words and frustration at them. 

July 17th 2014

Ever have one of those days where you are given an idiotic job to do? I mean apart from any other job. In an art museum, with the caliber of management we have, a little common sense and logic does not go very far. Here's an example. 

Mismanagement is on another power trip. She came to work today in uniform. With a split down the back of her pants. Yeah I think her pants are fed up with her ass too. She is definitely trying to impress somebody. They currently have H.H. closed off for renovations but here is the kicker. You know how they typically have two guards posted on third floor of the old building? Now with H.H. closed one guard patrols the entire gallery while the other has to stand guard solely at the bridge to H.H. to “make sure no guests get into that part of the museum”. Right. Like the signs and the guard posted down at H.H. do not do that already. The only reason they have it open is because of the view. They should just close it off and leave it alone. It would also free up a guard.

If you have not guessed already I am the unlucky bastard this time. According to Missy I am not allowed to leave the bridge AND I have to announce to the H.H. guard when staff members are going down. And THEY are suppose to let me know when a staff member is coming up from there, but (redacted) is not because he is too busy on the phone. Just to add some variety to the monotony I announce everyone differently. Staff are staff, art handlers are art handlers, the Assistant Director is the Assistant Director, and Knucklehead was Knucklehead. Especially those last two because they are the ones you do not want to get caught slacking around. I have not seen the A.D. come through much but whenever the D.S. comes through I announce him. If that is what he wants, that is exactly what he gets. No (redacted) getting caught on MY watch.

I guess Mismanagement put me here to try and break me but once again she does not realize that I have adopted to these psychological tactics. I mean hell I carry around plenty of gadgets to keep me occupied. This view is freaking incredible. Its like I am getting paid to stare out the window and write! Speaking of which I notice a lot of activity going on. It is beautiful outside. People walking dogs, girls sun bathing, horny black dudes staring at girls sunbathing, police accosting those black dudes while hypocritically staring at at sunbathers. Beautiful day, nice to know authority is retarded on the outside too. 

A very productive day over all, I got a lot of work done while my manager expected I would be miserable. 

Keeping Busy

A major survival tactic for Security guards is the art of keeping busy. Certain scenarios require you be on high alert, but for guards in an art museum the biggest fight is staying awake.

Where I work the man-power is not always utilized in the best way. We have some people that work here that are not required on boring days. Even the really important people do not anything, but that is beside the point.

On a daily basis you are given menial tasks. Such as; checking the art, checking your gallery for any anomalies, and doing the daily inventory. We do not know exactly what to check while checking the art, so most just do not do it.

Making sure your gallery is in check is actually done very early in the morning by Maintenance. The paper work we would do if our Manager actually printed it out.

Everyone complains about the paperwork but I personally made a game out of it to speed the day along. Our Lead Officer, or at least one of them, has a hard time on really slow days. He typically gets on the radio every couple of hours to let the office know he’s still there.

Then there are the Rovers or “Floater” officers that just wander around the museum all day. On days like that it really helps to have your laptop with you. 

June 21st 2014

Music is an important aspect to surviving in a REALLY boring environment. It is like a fuel for the brain's engine. It helps make the day go by faster and it doubly helps when the place you are stuck in has annoying sounds. 

I am posted in the new special exhibition. My bosses are not here, its like I am on vacation or something! The only problem is that it is the special ex. Also it is 11:07AM and it sounds like my wireless earphones are about to run out of battery juice. Sucks because I need this thing to get me through the day. The “musical” contraption they have set up is annoying like it always is. The power of music is important, much like the theme of that section of the exhibit. Except in that ruse it sounds like the soundtrack to Eraserhead. 

Sweet! My headset detaches from the Bluetooth thing! I am going to be alright. 

Being posted in the special ex is like being in solitary confinement. Except it is also like getting mentally waterboarded with boredom. 

Over Used Cliches: A Night At The Museum

One of the things I’m asked A LOT is whether everything comes to life at night. Seriously that’s asked more often than it really should be. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they do not realize the sheer volume of the retardation that question invokes. Somehow I get the feeling they know that but ask anyway.

Here’s the thing though, we do not have any art that is worth coming alive. I mean a lot of the landscapes are amazing but that’s it. If the art did come to life they would all be snobbish stuck-up assholes like the people that painted them. Oh and also I do not work the night shift, except that is not the answer I give guests.

So please just stop asking. It will give you a “hurr, hurr” but it gives us a headache. 

Time Served

The amount of time someone has worked here carries weight, but not much. Occasionally our Manager will hold meetings in the morning. Every once in a while she will let us decide where we will be posted in the museum. Usually because we are short handed with a couple of call-outs.

The amount of time you worked here determines when you get to vote. Those of us who have worked here only a couple of years get snubbed in these moments. Depending what kind of guard you are you have less reason to be responsible in those moments. However you also have various hours you are required to work.

Special Event Guard: Auxiliary guard that can work whenever they want. No benefits or paid breaks, also can’t work longer than 25 hours.

Part Time Guard: Must work at least 20 hours, but can’t work more than 25 (according to museum policy). Paid break but not benefits

Full Time Guard: 40 hour work week with option of over time and double time. Paid breaks, health benefits, PTO time.

Relief Guard: Part Time officers that use to get health benefits. 32 hours minimum still required (five 6hr work days).

Monitor Room Officer: Full-Time Officer that only works in the Monitor Room, and sometimes in the gallery (if Management likes them enough to let them do that). Must work 40 hours, but are considered essential employees in times of inclement weather and holidays. From what I hear they also take the brunt of the abuse from my Manager, Supervisor, and Director.

In the last couple of years the above positions have changed policy so much, that I barely remember the way things use to be. I can tell you that there was not always a Part-Time position. Relief and Special Event Officers were considered Part-Time.

When that new position was opened up there was a lot of confusion as to what “Part-Time” applied to since there were basically three different types of Part-Timer. I can tell you from experience that “Special Event Officers” was a Full-Time position since for a year I worked 40+ hour work weeks without benefits or paid breaks at $9 an hour. The sad thing is I do not remember much of my off time in that year. I probably did not have any worth remembering.