February 26th 2015

February 26, 2015: It snowed again this morning but we had to come in. The other Art Museum got delayed two hours. They could have done the same for us. I am doing reliefs today and I am alright with that. They announced this morning that (redacted) was the new Lead Officer for Evening Shift. Considering she’s like the only Monitor Room officer other than (redacted) (who still does not want to be in charge of anything). The extra couple bucks an hour on her paycheck will be nice for her but we will have yet another inexperienced officer in charge of something.

Tonight Predator harassed a bunch of people who celebrating a Jewish holiday. Like a Martigras type holiday where you dress up in costumes. He was trying to kill everybody’s good time because they were wearing hats. People come into the museum wearing hats all the time! I think he might just be an anti-Semite on top of all of his other racial disorders. Luckily I kept telling them to not let it get them down and to send in an e-mail. They LOVE e-mail complaints. 

February 24th 2015

February 24^th 2015: Working a school tour today. I like these because I can get extra hours without dealing with Predator. It looks like we do still sign in and out. “They’re working on a new way for guards to sign in and out.” Yeah bullshit. (Redacted) must have started that rumor. Whenever he says something everyone takes it as gospel since Mismanagement never tells us anything.

That’s how rumors usually spread. (Redacted) gets a small slice of info from the higher-ups, he mentions it in passing to some of the mouthy guards, and before you know it everyone has “the latest information.” 

One major issue with school tours (apart from the army of kids and clueless chaperons) is the school bus parking arrangement. They use to park on the street outside of the museum, but there had been complaints from people in the neighborhood, staff, guests, etc. about that organization. Now the city provides special parking for school buses at another museum. It costs $5 an hour, so the school would have to pay out $15. Big deal! The drivers get a free pass to the museum, free wifi, a warm place to drink coffee, and a cable TV. And their buses stay off the street, everybody wins!

Whelp not this time. Whoever was posted here earlier did not relay this perk to some of the drivers so they took up a lot of spaces. Later in the day I was placed at the New Entrance for an art seminar that the Monitor Room didn’t know was going on, or at least (redacted) didn’t know. The parking lot up the street soon got filled up and one lady, with crutches, had nowhere close to park. She had to go home. I know what you’re thinking, no I did not just have a soft spot for an artsy fartsy. I do however feel bad for the lady, that she was not able to go through with her plans for the day. I’m a much different guy on Tuesdays than I am on Thursdays and Saturdays. I have an excuse to be human at times like these.

A crazy woman tried to get into the museum. I said “excuse me Miss” then she shook her head violently and replied “my name isn’t Miss!” You know one of those Amelia Bedelia type weirdos who wanted me to call her R.E.M. or some such. I told her to F.U.C.K.O.F.F. She leaves then comes back again carrying a key, she wanted to use our trash can so I just took it from her to throw it away. However instead I matched it with the #10 key and it’s an exact copy! I let (redacted) know about it, called her back later and she acted like it wasn’t something important. Which means someone screwed up on their rounds and she doesn’t want me to write about the details. 

It looks like I did anyway. ;)

A Kid With A Soda

At an art museum in Japan a little boy damaged a $1.5 million dollar painting. He caused a fist sized hole which can be easily fixed. They are very lucky the drink he was holding didn’t spill. For any painting that old any foreign liquid is like acid, even the oils on our skin.

There are a lot of seemingly stupid rules put in place for museum guests, but these are for protecting the art. One of those is no food or drink being allowed. This is a rule that’s enforced at the front desk, by the guard posted on the door.

Every museum has different policies on food and drink. The Field Museum, in Chicago, for example seems to have lax policies on that. However an art museum filled with delicate pieces, no matter what country, should always enforce the no drinks policy.

It definitely looks like human error on the museum’s part. That’s usually the case where I work; where being posted on the door is the favored post. “At least you get to sit down all day” is typically the reasoning my coworkers have for being posted on the doors. Yes you get sit down all day but that does not mean you are suppose to just sit there and stare into space.

I don’t like working in an art museum, but at least I know you should greet people and prevent certain things from coming in. The tour guide should have said something, the Education department here would think that far ahead though.

This is the kind of accident my supervisors get a hard on over. Because not only do they get to fire someone but they get to play faux cop and investigate the matter. Luckily there was no great harm done, but since it’s an art museum someone is screwed for it. 

February 21st 2015

February 21^st 2014: Today we are going home early because it’s snowing like crazy. I know what you’re thinking, it would be easy money if I was getting paid that lost three hours. I intended on getting off at 5 and drinking the night away with (redacted). Nope, too much snow. This morning we were not given the time book. Someone said (with false absolution) that they were trying to come up with a new way of signing us in and out. They probably figured it would be a half day from the beginning. Captain Redacted made a phone call to the Assistant Director and saved the day.

We closed the museum at 2PM, got the guests out by 1:30, but was kept there 45 minutes over for… who knows. Mismanagement sat behind the Visitor Service’s desk like queen bitch and made us all wait until the whole “team” was there. She would not dismiss us any other way. If she’s going to be signing everyone out then we’re all screwed.

Captain Redacted was telling me about how he trained Predator back in the day at H.H. Predator just could not catch on to the simplest of tasks. For example the shutters on the 4^th Floor of H.H. were a huge issue for him. It’s not an origami craft man, it opens and closes a very specific way. And THIS is the guy in charge of the evening shift. God help us all.

Also today Looney Tunes fell and hit her head on her lunch break. She could have saved herself the hospital visit and just waited until 2PM.

February 18th 2015

February 18^th 2015: This morning myself, Sticks, and the Redacteds were taken on a tour of the Conservation Lab. It took about 30 minutes, the first 10 was filled with so much rambling that I lost track of what was being said, They always mention “The Monuments Men” stating that the character George Clooney played worked for our museum. Ok… sure. Clooney does not want anything to do with this mess. No one looked like they were busy or hard at work. One chick was flipping through a magazine, (Redacted) was typing away on that five year old laptop, and another woman was literally watching paint dry. Next time you make a donation to an art museum remember this. (Redacted) and his assistant went right back to work once his little segment of the tour was over with. I never realized just how less of a shit I give about art until I took that tour.

Today Mismanagement handed us blank sheets and asked us to list HER strengths and weaknesses. Essentially she wanted us to evaluate her. After not giving a strength or a weakness (instead writing down "are you serious, I'm going to need more paper") she made me write down a strength and weakness on the spot. She even asked (redacted) to escort me down to her office and made me sit there until I wrote something. I of course completely bullshat my way through it. (Redacted) was probably there to be a bodyguard. First she wants us to write down strengths and weaknesses (plural). Then she prints out a special piece of paper and forces me to come up with ONE strength and ONE weakness. She said it was not personal, but that little sly look she had on her face said otherwise.

Tonight they are having another Thursday night special event and I am posted on the Loading Dock. I like dealing with professional caterers. Especially friendly ones that know what they are doing. Gives you an idea of just how messed up our supervision is. I notice Predator has started having guards relieved 15 minutes earlier than usual on Thursday nights. I swear that prick does whatever he wants when it comes to breaks… more like anything, but breaks are a hot-button issue.

I have been on the Loading Dock now for about an hour and a half, and have not seen any caterers. Also Harris keeps responding to elevator calls like they’re talking to him. What part of “Freight Elevator to three” sounds like "(redacted) to base”? After that meeting I had with The Equalizer he must be trying to prove he’s not incompetent. Though he still can’t use his manpower properly. 

Just as an addition I want to point out how this is the beginning of the end for the power abuse from both Mismanagement and Predator. I had a meeting with The Equalizer a week prior to the above entry. I don't feel comfortable with the next entries because things got tough for me at the art museum for a while because of it, but it wasn't for nothing. 

February 14th 2015

February 14^th 2015: Mismanagement's not here today, but her former teacher’s pet (redacted) is acting extra stubborn in the Surveillance Room. Even though Mismanagement's not here everything is just as balls-out insane as if she was. She has the new guy working BY HIMSELF on the Old Entrance. He’s only been here for less than a month, typically it’s suppose to be six months of probation before given that responsibility. He does not know what the hell he is dong. According to (redacted) you can not switch him with someone else, someone who has experience on the doors, because it’s on the rotation paper. Ok? What does that matter? Mismanagement's not here, and the rookie could end up causing an issue because he’s not experienced.

I had to relieve (redacted) because A.J. was running late. The way things go around here I am surprised I am not doing his reliefs today. With the non-existent communication I was surprised to see him actually show up. His bus had to detour, which does not help since he is on administrative evaluation after everything that’s happened. I could have just as easily ended up being stuck with HIS relief duty.

Thursday we had the big Valentine’s Day celebration. Nothing is better than working as a human statue while everyone else has fun with their dates. Fuck this holiday. Preadator was giving orders that night but Mismanagement was giving her’s too. The left foot didn’t know what the right foot was doing. For example I went to relieve Sticks on the Old Entrance. Mismanagement told him to have people only go around to the New Entrance. Then Predator tells me to let everybody in no matter what entrance.

To make matters even worse Predator’s breath smelled like he was eating out Mismanagement's ass again. First I had to stand guard on the stairs leading up to the 3^rd floor (to prevent guests from going up there with drinks). A demoralizing post since you have to work, and act, like a robot while everyone has fun with their dates. Then he told me to go relieve (redacted) at the staff building. 30 minutes before I was going home. Predator said give him a 15 minute break, then Mismanagement says over the radio to give him a 30 minute break. He was posted there to guard the contractors that were working on the electrics. Mismanagement had completely fucked him over like they always do when it comes to breaks. They were trying to make ME take the fall! I called her up on my cell phone, because the radio reception sucks. I pointed out to her that you should keep better track of your officers. I wanted to get out of there and go home. I handed the phone to (redacted) and he told her to let me go. 

Waved at my Dad, who was coming to pick me up, as I ran across Cathedral Street. 

"Some people take this world for real."

My grandfather use to have this saying “some people take this world for real”. Of course he would say words of wisdom between old sailor shanties and whistling like a bird, but I digress. What he meant is that some people take things to a higher extreme when the given situation does not require it.

In an art museum you can really find Security guards that take things too seriously. There has got to be some medical term for it, Manic Obsessive I guess? What would you call a person who sees smudges on the INSIDE of a case and turns it into an emergency? Or calls a Supervisor if someone so much as coughs too strongly?

Let’s go deeper; let’s say there was a guard that has been working in this mad house for more than 30 years. Let’s say that they do not accept the fact that they works for idiots and instead shows blind loyalty to fallacy rather than speak up. Let’s say that they follow the rules, to the letter, then complains about doing it.

If you work Security in an art museum you MUST maintain the idea that this is just a nine-to-five job. Tell people not to touch the art then live your life. Do your job, live your life. Not the other way around. 

January 31st 2015

January 31^st 2015: It’s one of those Saturdays where Mismanagement is losing it. Well.. what I mean is it’s one of those more apparent kind of days. We are short handed but she insists on doing training for the newer officers. At least that’s the major complaint from D.J. She would not shut up about it while we were doing our rounds. Me, (redacted), and her were volunteered to do a round at the staff building. I really shouldn't say "volunteered" because she decided who goes where this morning. No complaints there since I just go there for the coffee. The meeting was full of contradictions to decisions she was making.

Captain Redacted is posted at H.H. today, but he was not chosen to be one of the officers to go there. Mismanagement's exact words were “(Captain Redacted) I’m going to give you a choice; you can either go to H.H. or you can go to New Entrance.” Then as he went to hand his keys to the officers that would be doing a round of H.H. (all the doors are locked on Saturdays) Mismanagement said “No (Captain Redacted), hold on to your keys, you’ll be doing a round of New Building.” So much for “choice” right?

It was not as retarded as the meeting we had Thursday where she went on and on about favoritism. Or at least her version of it. I am not convinced she knows the definition of favoritism. Everyone’s beef is that only certain officers get posted on the doors. A primo spot for everybody, but only because they want to sit down all day. You can be posted on the doors all you want but you still need to work by keeping restricted items out of the museum. It IS favoritism when Mismanagment's cronies get to take whatever break time they want, but if other officers ask for that change of the norm they get a “no”.

She is not really listening, it’s her only defense. You bring up any kind of concern and she instantly puts a spin on it. I can’t tell if it’s funny or sad that she is training the new guy. We got new officers, both of them decent looking black dudes. She will be hunting for dick, I kid you not. If there’s one thing apart from food that gets her attention it’s the possibility of penis. He has been given a security manual, that new hires are suppose to read, it’s about 10 years out of date. So is the information about federal laws on the bulletin board. Predator is probably basing his lawsuit worthy fuck-us on old information.

So tonight they are having a rye tasting, a special event. I am on the Loading Dock, and it’s cold as shit! The crazy thing is that it’s a pretty popular entrance tonight. I typically don’t have to open the door that much normally, but for some reason everyone has not noticed that Old and New entrances are wide open. Also the Mayor is going to be here tonight getting her drink on. Not the safest place security wise since no one knew when, and at what entrance, she was arriving. If I was a politician I would not feel safe here. Actually if I was the mayor of Baltimore I would just quit. This city’s too much trouble. Mismanagment does not know where anybody is, so apart from being a horrible Security zone, everything’s normal.