June 7th 2014

Some people should not be working here. Rest assured this is not even the full extent of wtf I have witnessed. Some things just do not make sense and people have their own preferences, but seriously a break's a break.

On June 7, 2014, a Saturday, I was posted on the Court doing paper work. Mr. (redacted) went to go relieve Bill at 1:00PM. The guy up on the next floor was also given a 1:00PM lunch break, but was self-relief. Except there was no one to cover him. So I volunteered to drop the paper work and cover for him until 2:00PM. The real kicker is when I went into the Office to let them know, Bill was sitting in there! He’s on break, he should not be in the monitor room working.

The poor guy is senile, but is a nice man. Ok I am lying he's actually a spy for Management, but HE IS senile. I seriously hope something does not go wrong on his watch. Well I mean something medical related or a real emergency. 

Hierarchy

In a Security department there are various ranks that set this occupation from others. At least that's how it works where I work. God willing it's not as complicated in YOUR security department. Typically in a work place there would be a boss, supervisor, or manager and the employees under them. Where I work a lot of departments are set up that way. It is the easiest way to keep track of everyone and the finance department does not need to concern themselves with paycheck headaches (apart from the ones they already have anyway).

No rather than have a boss and employees we are set up like a military. Private, Corporal, Sergeant, Lieutenant, Captain. To make it even more confusing certain guards think they are above others, and can get away with anything depending on how Uncle Tomish or ass kissy they wish to be with the Manager. Where I work it’s like this:

Gallery Officer: Standard guard that patrols the galleries, posted on the entrances, etc.

Monitor Room Officer: Guard that stays in the Security Room all day watching monitors and does the occasional round of the building.

Relief Guard: Gives the above breaks.

Hang on that’s just the enlisted ranks. Here are the people with stripes on their arm.

Lead Officer: Corporal that is in charge of the above listed guards. If something happens we are suppose to go to them.

Supervisor: Is apparently only in charge of the Security Room, handles paperwork.

Here comes the brass.

Manager: None of us know exactly what she does, but she’s considered important. Always insists we call her rather than any of the above, though nothing ever gets done.

Director of Security: Head of the Security department. Deals with the Assistant Director and Human Resources.

The thing that makes the above confusing is that certain guards do not know the structure. They are also not aware of how much other departments impact ours. For example the head of Human Resources and our Manager are very chummy. The head of Visitor Services and our Manager are very chummy. Education however does not want to deal with our Manager and the same with a lot of other people at the museum. 

May 10th 2014

If you work at an art museum you will eventually have to work some kind of catered party. These are worthy of their own post so I will not go into too much, but this entry goes to show you some of the political crap that can go on behind the scenes. Do not get me started on the food. You see some seriously messed up stuff when working on the Loading Dock. 

On May 10^th I witnessed a coup of sorts with the catering company. The cooks on the loading dock were pushing the servers too hard. The one woman condoned them for it. The head manager, a really hot woman in a tight black dress with a tangy late-20s voice, calmly explained to the head chef that she can not be everywhere at once. Both managers had a point but the one was a little too blunt (the hot one just you do not think I am being biased). The other, or the freight-train-in-the-black-dress as I called her, explained the managerial process very well and calmed the situation down. Apparently, the lead chef over stepped his bounds and thought he was in charge of the floor staff. It is good to see that management is messed up everywhere instead of just here. On an interesting note, I popped an Oxy that night. I could not feel my feet and even lead me to write a poem about it. Man everything’s so awesome while medicated! 

Over Used Cliche: Cop Wannabes

I don’t take my job so seriously that I would defend it to the death, but I would like to set the record straight about the whole wannabe cop thing. When people think of security guards they think of Paul Blart: Mall Cop or one of those dudes that drives around a parking lot in a Smart Car wearing reflective aviators. I am just bored human being who makes money walking in circles all day. I guess it beats sweating your balls off in Nevada guarding nuclear reactors, but it does not pay as well. You have to professionally call in everything over the radio and when it comes right down to it the code system is ridiculous. Going to pee has it’s own code! It’s funny how guests look at your worried, like you just called in an air strike. It’s a serious job but if you take it too seriously you will lose your mind.

A lot of security guards do end up applying for the police force (whether they get accepted is a whole other matter) but that is not something I want to do. My grandfather was a cop back in the 60s-early 80s. For the most part he was a decent guy who raised an even better man, but his time in WW2 and the police force had a substantial affect on his personality. He became an alcoholic and a lot of medical complaints toward the end of his life because of it. I do not despise the police but I won’t fall on a sword for them either. I have no intention of becoming a police officer. Most of them seem to have a chip on their shoulder, or a deep seeded thirst for revenge on how they were treated in high school. Most people get over it and grow up. Others just become cops. 

May 3rd 2014

One of the more fun redundant morning meetings, but there is a fatal flaw in the building's design that no one seems to address. 

On May 3, 2014 we did a little field trip around the grounds of the building where we learned the evacuation routes for H.H. and the staff building. There are fire exits for H.H. but only one for the staff building? I should probably rephrase and say that there’s at least one fire exit that they allow my manager access to. There is an exit up on the 5^th floor that leads down to the street via a fire escape, so that H.H. staff can get out of the building. According to my manager maintenance staff have to come outside and UNLOCK the gate between the fire escape and the street.

 The gate is locked to keep homeless people from sleeping back there. Keeping in mind there is no communication I hope no one burns up while they wait for maintenance to get the message. You know what the real kicker is? The fire exit for H.H. does not even go down past the 2nd floor because the counter weight is locked up with rust. If, God forbid, there ever is a fire at Hackerman House everyone on the fifth floor are in trouble. 

I know for a fact that has to be some kind of extreme fire hazard. As usual this was one of my manager's chances to look busy although it only took about ten minutes and she clamored through everything in a hurry. She even waved her arms around a lot so people setting up for the flower mart, across the street, could see she was keeping busy. After the torture was over she let us walk around outside to get fresh air before 9:45. It was almost like taking “time in the yard”.

H.H. has been since closed after this discovery came into question, but staff still work on the 5th floor. Thank God it's now closed to the public. It is a constant mystery between myself and my co-workers what my manager actually does on a daily basis. Between giving us information we already know and information that's out-of-date I'm very grateful that no one has been hurt. 

The Psychology of a Security Guard

How you choose to approach your Security job is up to you. Some guards take it too seriously while others lax. Like any other job you just do it for eight hours. You should never act like you are protecting the president, it’s less stressful that way.

Some Security guards deal with the public, some sit in a Monitor Room watching TV screens, and others stand in the desert waiting for “terrorists” to try something. There are different types of guards for various situations so your psyche varies, but I work in an art museum. The biggest thing psychologically is the boredom.

Because of the snobby clientele an art museum usually attracts you will think it’s not a good idea to start conversations. Even if you are the nicest person on the planet you will find that the majority of guests you encounter are on a completely different field. Smart move is to not bother engaging them unless they need your help.

Do not shut yourself in entirely! Because if you refrain from interaction it can affect your social skills later, it can even make you down right inhospitable. You should never let your job change who you are. Depending on where you work you might have to put on your best game face, but in an art museum you just need to switch on auto-pilot. You will have to deal with assholes, but that is the down side to working with the public.

Your attitude before you get to work lingers harder in Security. You have tasks to perform in the morning (that is if your manager remembers to put together the paperwork), but for the most part you have nothing but time to think. If you have legal woes, a family member in the hospital, bad news from your doctor, or any other number of disheartening issues; you cannot just “leave your baggage at home” and you cannot “lose yourself in your work.” Time slows to a crawl during these instances.

Where you are posted has a lot to do with how well your day will go. If you are in a booth somewhere you will feel like you are in a cell. In an art gallery it’s even worse, you are mentally chained to the walls until it’s time to go home. 

April 26th 2014

A window into what I am dealing with.

On April 26^th we had a meeting about the Evacuation policy and soon after we had a fire drill. That day I was suffering from a really bad cold and was not in the mood for either. Despite having flem in my lungs and ears I heard pretty well. 

(Redacted) screwed something up in the communication side of things. As per usual she changed her mind after everything did not go according to plan. First she wanted us to meet in the one building's lobby then once we all did she told us we should have met in the other building. 

We did not even know where this hypothetical bomb/gas leak/dildo infection was. If it were in one building then we meet in the other, and vice versa if it's in the opposite. After she screwed up my manager went  into her usual “be lucky I’m fighting for you or we could all be outsourced” speech.

At this point I had to just walk away from her, even my Supervisor rolled his eyes. He was not in a good mood for most of that day. Most likely because it was one of my manager's power-play days.

We have a real cast of characters where I work. All of whom that are in charge are busier working on their one-upmanship than actually running the museum. To make matters worse there are too many heads and none of whom know what the other is doing.   

Communication

In the Security industry, well any workplace in general, communication is everything. Sure not every job requires that everyone informs other departments of what they’re doing, but if it effects your department then it is very important. In a typical Security environment you must work as a team.

In an art museum guards do not want to communicate with each other because of mental isolation. Being in a quiet, boring environment every day can have one of two effects on a guard’s psyche while in relation to communicating. You either shut everyone out or you get desperate for human interaction.

A guard’s personal mood has a lot to do with it too. I know the signs because I have been at both ends of the spectrum based on whatever is going on in my life at the time. You do have to talk to the guests if they need help, but some guards use too much communication and can lead to alienating their visit.

From a managerial aspect there is communication but it is a lot of information we do not need to know, or do not want to know, and none of it is ever the topics we NEED to hear. God forbid we get into the need to evacuate the building we will all be dead before anyone gets to now what is going on. 

In the event of an emergency we are told to WAIT for our Supervisor, to tell us face-to-face, that the building needs to be evacuated. First of all the whole reason we needed to was because a suspicious package was left at one of the entrances. The package just turned out to be some papers that another department ordered, but the paranoia that runs on over-drive in an art museum kicked in.

Everyone ran around like chickens with their heads cut off, fellow officers were turning into Supervisors, and guests had no idea one where to exit the building because the manager had (at that point) never went over the proper evacuation procedure. Everything turned out fine but the problem is there was no communication. If no one updates the situation panic will set in. Even in cases of no emergency nothing runs smoothly without it. 

Introduction

Like janitors, construction workers, and tax collectors security is a job that nobody really wants but is something that has to be done. In popular media and in professional circles people assume that security guards are cop wannabes who take their jobs too seriously. Whereas there are guys like that in this line of work I want to point out right now that I’m not one of them.

I am the kind of security guard that works in an art museum. Every place of employment has it’s characters and weirdoes, but it’s when there is obvious corruption in managerial and even the human resources department you know you are in a bad spot. At an art museum the gossip and back stabbing is more apparent because everyone has nothing else on their mind but to over think.

When you work in an art gallery under the “supervision” of a man who thinks your department in a para military group, you have nothing but time to think. However once an emergency occurs he goes from being a hardened general to a scared school boy afraid of legal sanction. “Patrolling” the gallery and “guarding” the art is the main aspect of the job. However after working there for almost two and a half years I decided to start this blog. Just to point out the inconsistencies of my job as well as give you a window into my experience with it.

This is not so much being made to clear the air on the image of security guards, or it’s industry, so much as it’s just a window into it. Believe me you do not want to work where I work. I started making a journal in the hopes of using the notes as a basis for a book, but instead some of the stuff that goes on here is worthy of a federal investigation.

Security is a very boring job, or at least it’s as boring as you want it to be. If you are a writer it is sweet, but if you are a person who needs excitement than it is not for you. Not that you would want any to occur.