Giving 100%

I cannot quite describe the level of moron that comes into an art museum. God knows the people in charge are even worse, but the actual guests make you wonder how they can manage to breathe. For that matter WHY are they allowed to breed?

As a human being if someone comes up to you, to ask for help, you help them. As a Security guard, who works in a museum visited by ignorant fucks and high class twats, you need to take a different approach. You essentially need to PRETEND that you are helping.

Really, that’s the key. Because they will go around the corner and just keep asking different people until they get what they are asking for. Yeah I know that sounds like a shit thing to do, but that is how human mentality works. We are not paid, or appreciated, enough to bother.

And please do not think that being one of those above-and-beyond out-going schmucks will score you points. I should know I use to be one of those when I first started working here. 

June 11th 2015

So today I was scheduled to come in from 9:15AM to 9:15PM. A typical 12 hour shift for Thursday. However I worked a 15-and-a-half-hour shift during the wedding Saturday (remember they have that retarded 25-hour limit). I figured I would use THIS typo to my advantage since they use theirs against me. I went into the Monitor Room and explained the situation. Mr. Ass said go home at 5:15PM.

He knows that but let’s see if he leaves a note with Predator. I am conducting an experiment today. So far the results are gratifying. (Redacted) did not even have me on the post assignment sheet. He told me I have a choice between the Sculpture Court or R+G. (Keep in mind this is a technically THEIR choice.) I had not been on the Sculpture Court in a while so I picked that. With a 12PM lunch break. Then (redacted) tells me I am working R and G (with the 11AM lunch apparently). Did not find that out until I called the Monitor Room to see if I was self-relief or being relieved.

By the way, speaking of Predator, he is on P.I.P. I guess I am not the only one who has had a problem with him. What I mean is the only one to have a problem enough to report him. Good to know HIS ass is in the spotlight. Well I will be here until 6:45PM so I can “do reliefs”. I will start my evening reliefs around 5. That will give me time to get the fuck out. Oh and I also discovered Rebecca is pregnant. I should probably start reading my Holy Bible again.

As far as proving a point, and using Ass’ fuck-up as a catalyst, I guess I would call this a draw. 

June 6th 2015

Not really much to mention today (yet). I’m posted up on the 4^th Floor for the hundredth time. Good crowds coming through, but I am still taking the day with a steady pace. (Redacted) came up during her free half hour. She only comes in for four-and-a-half hours so they will not let her have a 30 minute lunch break like the other relief guards, bastards!

One of these days  I will mention how she can just hide somewhere for 30 minutes, that’s what I would do. For that 30 minutes she goes around and reads. I wonder if she has a crush on me and that’s why she came up here? Probably not. She does seem a hell of a lot less suspicious than Buckwheat, so she’s probably not one of Mismanagement's cronies.

Mr. Ass did not give me a hard time about not working 4^th of July. He did not do his “everyone MUST work” or “You are REQUIRED to work” spiel. He only mentioned that I bring it up closer to THAT week so he can schedule me around it. So that’s cool. I am not the only Part Timer that does not wish to work it. None of us will get double time pay, even though it’s a federal holiday…

No we should because it’s THE federal holiday of federal holidays! Part Time, Full Time, fucking migrant worker; if you work on the 4^th of July you should get double time pay. Also according to my lawyer Maryland is an “at will” state so a company like them can make everyone work it. Hence one of the many reasons I am going out of town.

Tonight I am working the wedding from the Old Entrance. Predator has already fucked up my breaks, as per usual, but likely for him it will only be four hours, ten minutes since the last one. The thing I hate most about working the doors at a wedding is the event planner, (Redacted) in this case, is ultra anal about who goes where. How the fuck am I suppose to tell who exactly the wedding party is? Lime colored peach colored, orange, dress colors of the whole damn citrus field! My solution? Let everyone go where the hell they want. I call it the kill-them-all-and-let-God-sort-it-out technique. No one really cares anyway.

One thing’s for sure there are a lot of hot chicks up these stairs. Man I love summer! There’s a 90-year-old lady here as one of the guests. She just walked down the stairs so she could get to the elevator to go up to where she just came from.... This isn’t the museum’s fault… Well… It’s not her fault either. Some actual signs pointing to the elevators would help.

Predator just came down to get the paperwork and asked me what I was writing in my book. I told him short stories, not really a lie since these are short stories. Just unfortunately true ones. Each day’s plot line is not really new though, but even he’s quaking to know. My “Project” is working. It’s also a psychological experiment. Stay cryptic and it will drive them nuts! Guaranteed.

There’s this one woman here in a black dress, with dark hair. I think she might be Latino, Spanish descent more specifically. She was doing this whole seductive noir movie star act. Oh believe me I noticed her, mission accomplished. More like staring would be the accurate description. She looked toward me while walking up the stairs, I looked away, and she walked the rest of the way elegantly moped. Then stopped at the top and looked down at the men’s room for her husband/boyfriend/date. I looked away when she looked at me, then she walked away frustrated. I am all for meeting chicks at weddings, but not when they are with some other guy. That’s a no-no in my book.

June 2nd 2015

This will be the last time I volunteer for school tours on a Tuesday. What a waste of time it was! Mr. Ass posted me up on the 3^rd Floor. I figured today would be a short one because the afternoon event got cancelled. I got out of there at 12:15. None of the school tours came up there! What the fuck!? The only person that came upstairs was the lighting guy and his assistant.

The same thing happened during the last school tour. The whole day I was up in the R+G+G galleries. No school kids but the lighting guy and his assistant were there the whole time. Once again; what the fuck!? They should not call it “school tours” they should just call it “guard the lighting guy duty.” Why the hell is it important for us to be up there when he is?

This was all Mr. Ass' retardation of course. C.J. acts like she does not know but she does. I am not the only one with a bleeding ass, (Redacted) got fucked too. He was posted up on 4^th Floor. Like with me only the lighting guy and his assistant came upstairs. He better figure out his manpower before July 4^th. I already bought the ticket.