Setting The Record Straight... Covertly...

Where I work harassment and power corruption are a daily dose of reality. It’s the same at any job. There will always be that one supervisor, manager, or boss that just goes mad with power. Even if they are not truly qualified to work there.

Mismanagement is a recurring character in my journal entries, you’re very much aware of this, but if it’s not obvious at this point she is based on a real person. Pretty much everyone in these blog entries is. I am not writing this for entertainment value, or just to make money, I’m really trying to help. You AND me that is…

I believe that writing is a great way for myself to relieve stress, but in this case it is also a great way to spill the beans on the ongoing struggle that myself and fellow officers have with working Security in an art museum. Working Security is not the same everywhere, I think I mentioned this, but where I work it is unfortunately unique. It doesn’t have to be but the people “in charge” make it that way. The sad thing about is it that I would love to mention their real names, but I fear I would lose my job.

Not that I want to continue working here forever, like some other guards I could mention, I want whatever everyone wants; something worth-while. For example today I am actively job searching to find a position somewhere (that isn’t Security) where I can better make use of my college education. Does this mean I will make a new blog about THAT experience? Hopefully I won’t have to because it will be better organized than my current place of employment. 

April 18th 2015

Today I am working a wedding tonight, until… well I don’t know yet. Mr. Ass has already taken the liberty of putting me down for 11:15 to 9:15 this coming Thursday. He is hell bent on enforcing that 25-hour limit. I’ll stay until 1:15AM if I can (the maximum 16-hour shift). Say what you will about Predator (actually I have done plenty of that already) but at least he doesn’t give a shit about this ridiculous limit. I went 15 minutes over the limit because of the school tours this past Tuesday. It doesn’t really matter.

Mismanagement has been in charge of the post assignments today. It shows. I am in first exhibition, but I am getting the 1PM lunch break. It’s ok I wasn’t hungry yet anyway. Tommy Gun's posted on New Entrance so she gave him the 12PM break. Then D.J. had to come BACK to the  Special Ex to relieve me. Yeah I think it’s retarded but that was her sentiment exactly.

The copy machine at the staff building is WAY better than the one up on the 5^th Floor. I tried doing some copies up there and their settings are all fucked up. The staff just use normal settings so my copies came out fine. (Redacted) was staring at me like I was not suppose to be there. She’s right I wasn’t but there’s nothing in the policy about not using the copy machine. I also wasn’t suppose to make 125 sheets. Oh well haha.

As you would expect it’s chaos tonight. Chop, Predator, and Mismanagement biting at each other like a Cerberus with schizophrenia. Everybody’s trying to be in charge, but none of them have a clue. Mismanagement is not even in the building and she chimes in like she’s directly in the room. Chop's posted on 3^rd Floor, before the guests show up the alarm sets off. As usual the poor radio reception did not help the miscommunication that followed. Mismanagement (who remember is not even in the building) commanded Chop to move the extensions away from the alarm beam.

Chop, who HATES being corrected, began lashing out over the radio. “I did that!” Mismanagement repeats herself. “It’s not da problem.” Chop barks back. Predator hops in shouting “I’m on my way up to shut it off manually.” Chop insists that she can fix the problem herself, out of fear that she will look weak and lose control of the situation (not that she ever had any). Turns out one of the early guests were standing too close to the beam. 3^rd Floor Lobby was packed! Even after the alarm went off Mismanagement kept pestering Chop about extensions. Being the Lead Officer on the Night Shift does give her clout to be counter-commanding, and as a human being she doesn’t take shit from anybody, even with Knucklehead.

Yesterday that former White House flower lady came to the museum. According to (redacted) it was the total cluster fuck everyone expected it would be. 300 people came in through Old Entrance, all at once, just to hear this woman’s lecture in the Auditorium. The Auditorium can only hold a maximum of 400 people (on the top and bottom sections total). Chop, who was guarding the lower Auditorium entrance, was tasked with preventing guests from entering after it hit the maximum number. She experienced an ethical tug-of-war between following Knucklehead's orders and pleasing a mob of angry guests.

Like tonight with Mismanagement, Knucklehead barked empty orders over the radio without grasping the volume of the situation. Chop held her ground, and like with Mismanagement, snapped back trying to explain what was really going on and how she was trying to prevent a riot. Knucklehead was fuming because he is in front of some private security guy who he thought were secret service. Only Chop can get away with pissing off that egghead unscathed!

Tonight I’m posted on the Freight Elevator, nice cause I get to sit down after being in marble hell for the first eight hours of the day. This also explains why the entry’s so long, sorry bout that. I swear I spent most of the night playing Killzone: Mercenary on my PS Vita. Still has enough juice to get me through the end of the night once I am done with this.

A lady fell and hit her head earlier. Paramedics had to be called. She cut her head but refused medical treatment. At times like these you get to see how bad everyone runs around like chickens with their heads cut off. Mismanagement actually waddled over to the main building, Predator rode the elevator up to the 3^rd Floor (playing with his massive phone along the way), and Chop stood by Old Entrance (as I have said before EMS always stop there first). Questions erupted between the three over the radio; “is there blood?”, “should I call 911?”, where did the incident (referring to Incident Reports) occur?” (Redacted) kept the situation organized from the Monitor Room; made the calls, prepped the first aid kit, and kept the radio chatter up to date. EMS showed up at New Entrance (they must have updated the address) and I brought them up to the 3^rd Floor.

There were so many guests the new girl, didn’t even know there was an accident at first. 20 minutes after EMS had arrived Chop stated that she was still waiting at Old Entrance for them to appear. (Redacted) told her that they had already been in the building (this was no secret over the radio). She complained that nobody told her then accused HIM of not listening on the radio! Ignorant to the end…Tonight we got TWO 30 minute breaks, a fucking miracle!

April 16th 2015

So today I made a huge mistake that will have repercussions throughout the day. I left my notepad and PS Vita at home! And it’s a Thursday so that is a big issue. Luckily I carry a backup in my back pocket, but it only has so much paper in it. Woah there’s a notepad in the phone box! It’s got other writing in it but at least it’s something.

We are so short today they called a special event guard and a Night Shift guard in. (Redacted) is a guard on the Night Shift. They still insist on having two guards in that stupid special exhibition. Tomorrow I have a job interview for a customer service position. I imagine it’s one of those call center things, but anything’s better than here plus it’s within city limits. I really hope I get the job so I can get out of this toxic environment.

Today I am posted up on 3^rd Floor Center. 12PM lunch break, my own personal bathroom, and a couple of good hiding spots. One of which has a waist high wall I can use my leather notepad on, will not need the weird cryptic one from the phone-box afterall. The only downside is the Knight’s Hall but I do not actually go down there often. The stairs are hell on the knees. Also the 3G is kind of shitty so Hay Day keeps crashing. Not cool when I am trying to harvest stuff.

Speaking of blind spots Tuesday I worked the R+G+G gallery. Well actually there wasn’t any tours through there all day so I played around in the blind spot by the fire extinguisher. According to (redacted) there is a hidden camera in a “broken” light socket. He’s the lighting guy so he would know. I think he’s just fucking with me though. If there really was a camera I would have been fired ages ago. Everyone uses that blind spot. In fact I’m using one right now while I write in this notepad! Not that I need to because it’s not against policy. Knucklehead says we are allowed to take notes. Boy have I been taking some!

Today he had a meeting about some woman that is coming to the museum for a lecture tomorrow. Apparently she was the go-to florist at the White House for Obama’s first term and the first half of his second. Why she left back in February no one knows, and we don’t really care, but according to Knucklhead and the "PR" lady all of the major news outlets really want to know if there’s a dirty secret behind it. They will supposedly be camping out tomorrow for her arrival. A full “detail” on the Court and all the floors, that’s what Knucklehead wants… Well hire some more guards or make some calls to Allied Barton. He very much realizes we are short staffed and that we are not Secret Service, but that’s his nature. Making his pet project seem like something it’s not. I mean we have the same level of competence as Secret Service, but I digress we do not have the manpower or the brain power to protect this place from paparazzi. Mismanagement was at the meeting but all she really said was a repeat of everything Knucklehead mentioned, only it was in her Aunt Jamimea tone of voice. I think I saw Knucklehead smirk. Everyone else was giggling.

Well I was wondering when today’s secret meeting would take place. It’s always in the afternoon, around 3PM. First of all I was able to get that pay stub from the paycheck before last. Thanks to my sister from another mister. She took care of it after she told me Mr. Ass never sent the e-mail to Financing earlier. So I get called into the Surveillance Room and Mr. Ass gives me this lecture about how they both got yelled at by the chick in Finance (remember she has a bitchy attitude because she hates to be interrupted from doing nothing). The whole “talking-down” occurred while he was SITTING DOWN. During which he hands me an envelope and complains about THAT. I played dumb but was excited about the paystub. Please note that I did not throw my best friend under the bus. Like the unjustified HR meeting last week I played it stupid and calm. The best bit is that I got what I wanted obviously.

I get back upstairs and wait for my 20 minute break. Here comes Shorty again, this time Uncle Tom wants to meet with me. Oh boy a twofer! So I head over to the staff offices and have a follow-up with him and Knucklehead about the HR meeting. NOT about the 10 hours Predator stole from me last week, like he said we would. AND we talk about what we were going to talk about two weeks prior to that. Once again stupid and calm, smile on my face. I took my 20 minutes when I got back to post. Sorry Sticks but it was their fault, they cut into my break.

I cannot quite place where Uncle Tom is coming from. Is he doing a really good acting job or if he’s slipping over to the dark side. 

April 9th 2015

I got scheduled to come in later so I only have to be stuck here for eight hours. They put me directly in the Special Exhibition. They are so short today that they had Predator come in to do reliefs, and only one guard posted in the Exhibition. Me and the other three part timers came in around the same time and they put us straight to work. No complaints, feels good to be needed. The only downside is that Predator is here until (redacted) gets back.

People are running out of his side of the Exhibition. Probably a combination of his “friendly nature” AND his unnatural stench. I am trying to greet guests with a smile and he stalks them with dirty looks. Unless they are black, then and only then does he actually strike up a conversation with another human being. A pretty black girl, with a baby, came into the gallery and he immediately pounced on her with his “charm”. Until he noticed she was with another guy.

Well (redacted) warned me there would be a meeting when I got here today. Around 3PM I was told to go over to HR's new office. I of course took my sweet time getting over there. Altogether it took about 40 minutes getting there, the meeting, and getting back again. I love it how everyone greets you with a smile, at least Mismanagement does, when the shit’s going to hit the fan. Here I was thinking the meeting would be about Predator's blatant time sheet tampering, but instead it was another alleged complaint over something I never said.

According to the head of PR I made a joke about someone committing suicide in the Old Gallery. I know I have a sense of humor (or lack there-of depending on how you look at me), but I would never joke to a guest or a fellow staff member about anyone committing suicide. That’s really messed up. I can see what they were trying to do but it did not phase me. I stayed objective and told them the truth. HR brings up Tommy Gun's name out of the blue and Knucklehead says “well let me give him a call”. He has to slop all the way over to the new offices just to tell them the same thing I did. Then they call PR in to try and confirm her bullshit accusation. I tell her “I never said that, I don’t joke about that kind of thing.” Then says with conviction “It was you.” Trying not to laugh at the fact that she’s Mismanagement’s buddy. I reply “I’m not saying you didn’t hear someone say that, but it wasn’t me.” Then she starts making sense and says “Maybe it was the other guard.” She didn’t remember what day it was, she didn’t remember who exactly it was. She only knew that it was a white guy with parted hair. I don’t part my hair, last time I did that I looked like Fatty Arbuckle. Not a good look.

At the end of the meeting they were so disappointed that they didn’t get me on anything. Altogether I got to sit down for 30 minutes and owned the meeting. For the rest of the night I had nothing but a smile on my face. Even Predator looked disappointed at the fact that I still had my ID badge and greeted him with a smile. So to recap just in case you haven’t caught on to the pattern.

I have a meeting with The Equalizer about Predator's harassment and break times (or lack there of).

I get called into HR about Kelly.

I call The Equalizer and tell him about Predator stealing hours from me, says we’ll have a meeting with Knucklehead and me about it.

Get called into HR two weeks later about something I never said by a woman who is a friend of Predator's momma bear (Mismanagement).

Protecting Your Health

Where I work we are not allowed to psychically protect ourselves (because our boss is scared of lawsuits), but protecting your health is a must do. Especially if you work in a public place that could easily be considered a cesspool. This does not mean you have to make yourself O.C.D. but you do need to take some basic action to keep yourself from getting sick. You also have to keep yourself in good condition if you don’t want to be one big walking Charlie horse.

Before you come to work take some vitamin C, a Multi-vitamin, and a digestive vitamin aid. The digestive aid will help you poop when you eat cheap food from places you can actually afford. The other vitamins protect you from catching colds or other foreign illnesses.

Wash your hands before you eat or use hand sanitizer if there is no soap and water immediately available. This is especially important in the break room which is surprisingly the least cleaned part of the building. When it comes to taking bathroom breaks don’t let your Supervisor give you a hard time.

 If you really have to go then just go, you don’t need their permission to do a natural bodily function. A guard that use to work at the museum got a ruptured bladder because no one came to relieve her. On the plus side she did sue the shit out of them! Not that I would recommend doing this.

Icy Hot and braces for your knee and/or ankle, as well as a heating pad, are must have items. Your muscles WILL get sore over time with the hard floors of a museum. The time of year, with the weather, also factors into how ache you will be. I don't really promote drug use or alcohol consumption in the work place, but if you have a long day to work... Pop that Oxy responsibly and don't mix it with alcohol.

When you're not at work make sure to drink lots of water to drown out all of the caffeine you will pump into your system. Don't drink more than a gallon per day, you don't want to flood your kidneys. In the winter make use of a heating pad to keep your joints and back muscles from tensing too much. 

April 5th 2015

It’s Easter Sunday and guess where I am? Yep! Fuck my life. Since it’s Easter the only people here are Asian tourists and heathen art school students. Otherwise it’s going to be a slow day up here on the 4^th Floor. I am at the half-way point of the day and there has been 53 people up here so far. These are obviously the diehard art fanatics. Everyone with a life is at home with their families. I know I’m not obviously, but everyone’s out of town anyway.

Mismanagement and the assistant director are here today. It’s fucking Easter! Go home! Mismanagement always says she’s cool with God, but I don’t believe it. She’s the devil’s own. I know Predator will be here tonight. Now that’s a guy with no life. 

April 4th 2015

April 4^th 2015: Yesterday was Bear’s final day. Mismanagement and Knucklehead actually got him bagels and coffee as a farewell present. From what I am told they were not happy about shelling out the money for that. Bear dissevers a full catering service and a few kegs of beer. He was a valued guard and he is a valued friend.

Today we are short handed, but luckily I am posted in R+G+G by myself for the first time in ages. It iss almost like the good ol’ days of when I first started working here. Except now I know better and understand the grim reality of this fucked up museum. I have not seen Kelly in a while. I am hoping she was let go after I sent that e-mail to the Assistant Director. You know as a preemptive “please don’t sue us” thing like they did after Matt Fry almost got Boles killed. Then again probably not; she’s either on vacation or working different days.

What’s kind of odd was this morning Sarah said “good morning”, even though she didn’t have to. Mismanagement said good morning too. What the fuck? It probably has something to do with that loan I signed up for. These bitches smell money? They would be the two types to try sucking up (literally) when smelling cash. Mismanagment’s a hustler and Sarah’s a future starving artist. 

Today, over the radio, (redacted) announced that (the old Director) was in the building. Like it was still significant. He hasn’t been the Director for almost two years. None of us really need to give a shit if he’s here or not. At the end of the day Predator collected the equipment. He was wearing a blazer that looked a size too small for his fat frame. Whenever he’s wearing a blazer it’s never a good sign. It means he’s hiding his B.O. The jacket wasn’t doing a very good job of that. Tommy Gun said he survived by keeping his distance. I think Predator has a gay crush on me because he never keeps his distance.